I woke the other morning with moments of this night grasping my mind and rumbling through my body.
It took me a couple days of sitting with the grasping and the rumbling to put it down on paper.
It was a a day of learning. Of glimpses into another’s world.
A day of beauty. passion. wonder…jumbled together with reality. sadness. knowing.
Refusing then to see the latter, the truth achingly vibrates through my body.
The night was magical. The night was heartbreaking. I see that now.
First times intertwined with familiarity. Laughter and joy paused by worry.
Moments of intimacy weaved with fear. Bodies aligning and swimming in ecstasy.
A heart strewn out all over the floor while the other was closing the door.
I pushed to to know you. to see inside your heart.
I choose years ago to live from my heart. to live closer to my edge.
to step across and sometimes jump over that edge.
I jumped with both feet in your direction more than once.
I ask myself…through all the sadness and the pain…was it worth it??
I had to step away for a few days from this writing.
Pause and listen to my heart.
The answer to that question. Though it’s really the question that matters.
Yes. it was worth it. I would ask it again and again.
The profound connection. the genuine love. the fire. the loss. the sorrow
Knowing what I now know. The answer is still yes…
I would have loved you nonetheless.